My brother left home when he was 14, a gangly kid with pin-width legs,an affable smile and a shot-on-goal that could tear a bleeding hole through sheet metal. He was a talented hockey player, and had been touted as a Future NHL Star from the time he was 6 years old. He was a semi-professional hockey player before he could drive a car.
He returned home the following summer for break: suddenly taller than me, with giant arms and a steely resolve, suddenly determined to take over the world. He needed summer work and I got him a job bussing tables at the pub where I worked as a waitress. During those long shifts, the door would be propped open, streaming dry summer heat to mingle with the cigarettes and Guiness inside. I'd work four hours and then sit my tray down in the back, looking for fries past their prime, or a chicken parmesan sandwich sent back because the cook forgot to omit onions.
I remember one Saturday afternoon: the holy grail. A brunch customer had wanted her chocolate peanut butter cheesecake without whipped cream and the chef had made a mistake and so there it was, a perfectly amazing cheesecake sitting in the window: about to go in the trash unless a creeping, starving waitress moved in on it, fast.
"Dave!" I called to my brother, who was hunched over the dishwasher, removing beer mugs."Wasted cheesecake, boo-yah!"
"I can't," he said, kind of apologetically.
"What do you mean, you can't?" I scoffed, finding two forks.
"I gotta watch my body fat, can't go back in the fall out of shape."
I gaped: we'd eaten desserts with every meal, our whole lives. My Mom cooked lemon meringue pies and brownies with fudge sauce on Monday nights. We'd been athletic kids, we never even contemplated that we shouldn't have that fourth chocolate chip oatmeal cookie or a second helping of tuna chip casserole.
"You have willpower," I said, shaking my head, and drooling as I dug in to the fluffy, rich goodness,"Good thinlg you're the hockey player. I have no willpower, omgthisis good."
No willpower has often been my excuse. It's why I can't say no to that fifth mug of frosty Strongbow. It's why I inhale a pizza to myself at one sitting. It's why, if there are cookies or rice pudding in the house, they never last more than a day.
What I've learned this year, though, is that the excuse "I Have No Willpower" is absolute bullshit, and I say this with no apologies this time.
Willpower is not something that is genetic, created, true for some and not for others. It's in all of us (barring sociopathic disorders, etc), and we can all use it whenever the hell we want. Willpower has enabled me to totally radically alter my diet from flourescent orange chips, double baked potatoes and Strongbow to lean meat and produce. It provided me with the werewithal to work out five days a week for the last 7 months, to log over 1000 kilometers in runs since the early summer. It convinced me that I can do pushups, several of them, in succession, actually, when I'd mistakenly believed for decades that I couldn't even manage a single "girl" pushup. It blossomed to whisper and inform me that I could have the best body of my life well into my thirties.
I am grateful I ditched the excuses to avoid my own willpower, my own resolve.
Things that helped me "discover" that I actually had some power over my activity levels and healthy eating -
1.) Get Rid of the Shit.
Willpower becomes stronger when it's not provoked by crap. Willpower shivers in my belly and refuses to make an entrance if my brain knows there's tapioca pudding in the fridge and brownies on the counter. Getting rid of them all and replacing them with fruit and healthy bars (I love Lara Bars) forces Willpower to pop out its leery head.
2.) Key Words
Did you guys notice that during the Olympics, so many athletes who won medals repeated key words? It's silly, maybe, but I've held words in my head for months, and head to them when I think about sitting on the couch to watch my Dexter DVD or going to Starbucks for a donut: Strong. Lean. It's lame, but I see a picture of myself in my head and it's more appealing than laziness.
3.) Encouraging Partnership
One of my biggest Willpower Building Blocks has been my relationship with Corey, who never tells me what to eat or discourages me from mad inhalation of nachos - but rather leads by quiet example. If he can avoid refined sugar and bread and turn to carrots and apples for snacks? So can i.
4.) Read Fitness Blogs
Reading about the journeys of others I can relate too has helped me create focus. Linda is a friend and personal hero, and I also sometimes watch the Bodyrock.tv chick for five minutes on mute to remind me why I want to go to the gym/crossfiit/run today (though...I can't say I relate to her though she manages to be endearing as well as hot as all hell. How can ANY woman relate to those boobs?) . There are motivators all over the Internet: Ronni, Fit Bottomed Girl, Trainer Momma. Our Crossfit Coach is also kind of rad. Find someone who makes you want to exploit the hell out of your body, mind, and inner power.
But even if you have none of these things, you still have you, you still hold your own power.
Willpower is in you, too. What are you going to demand from it?
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